I have protected my sanity for almost 10 years. Pursued peace and happiness, one that is rooted in quiet trust in the Lord that I am healed completely.
But things happen. More accurately, people happen. Hurt people hurt people.
The joyous fortress I have built over the years will just be shattered in one blink of an eye. And for what reason? A worthless reason that gives more premium to being right rather than preserving relationships.
I don’t know how to pick myself up from this.
I just need time. To pick up the broken pieces of my heart and pray that God will restore me to wholeness again.
I met the wrong person at a time when I was struggling to find out who I am.
Looking back, I did not know the life lessons I would have learned as I got into the Master’s degree program in the State U. Back then, I only thought I was there to pursue and hone a career in Human Resources.
I struggled in that new field I was in. I was thrust into a world of socio-political issues. My mind was stretched and I had to force myself to get opinionated on a lot of things. I felt out of place. I was surrounded by my colleagues who knew what they were doing. And I was there, figuring out myself, but determined to get into the game.
Middle of my academic journey, I met someone. To say the least, it was a failed relationship. I almost gave up my degree because I did not want to see him in the same halls that we walked in the university anymore.
But my persistence in pursuing my goals prevailed. I will not allow this failure for me not to get my success. I stuck it out till I graduated, however painful and dreadful it was to come to school.
After the turmoil of it all, it is with the same breath of humility and pride to say that I graduated top of our Batch despite everything that happened.
It is true. Sometimes, you get both the good and the bad in the same vein. You get to experience the blessing and the pain. In retrospect, all these are woven together for us to become stronger and wiser.
If anything came out of this, it is not the academic knowledge I so gained. I did not become an HR practitioner. I realized I am not a socio-politically inclined person. And it is not my calling.
It is more of the heart lessons I picked up along the way. Pursuing Goals. Persistence. Determination. Rising after a Fall. Healing and Restoration.
I met the wrong person at that time. But when I finally moved on and stopped looking for someone to love me, the right one came along…
A few weeks back, I came across a movie in Netflix by Julia Roberts, Owen Wilson, Jacob Tremblay and Izabela Vidovic entitled Wonder.
It stroke a chord in my heart since the story revolved around how a disfigured boy copes with his everyday life. Much like how I struggled and learned to cope with my epilepsy in my younger years.
But what really got me to thinking was the relationship of Auggie and his sister Via in the movie. You see, I’ve got an older sister too. Like Via, she has witnessed first hand how I battled with the illness and how our parents have treated me in a special and different (read: overprotective) way.
What could have been in my sister’s mind all throughout those times? Was she like Via, hiding her predicaments from our parents thinking they’ve got a lot of worrying to do already with me? Was she, like Via, also longing for love and attention from our parents? Was she, like Via, the most understanding and supportive sister to me who was frail and sickly?
I never bothered to ask those questions before. But I remember back in 1997, when I was seeing a doctor for treatment, something suddenly hit me. My doctor said in a gist that I’m not the only child who needs attention. I have a sister whom I need to think about also. And my parents need to care for her too.
My sister is my best friend. I know now that she has sacrificed a lot for me. I will always remember how she left work temporarily to chaperone me to school after my surgery…how she allayed my fear of people when I was at my wit’s end…and how she became the strong one in my moments of weakness…
There is great wonder in having a sister. The relationship may not be perfect, but it lasts a lifetime.
the velveteen leah 