Pruning

Have you ever felt okay on the outside, but when you delve in your inner life – it all seems scary? I have. Many times.

I do not want to be left with my own thoughts alone. I spiral a lot, if you know what I mean. I had to be stopped intentionally. Or I need a distraction. That’s why I always need my mind and hands to be occupied. Because when silence sets in, ironically, the noise in my mind begins.

A few nights back, I have an unsettling feeling in my heart. I must confess I am struggling with the issues of insecurity and jealousy.

You all know that I am in a creative journey with watercolor. I belong to art groups and know some artist – friends who are braving the art world.

I see their work and what they do with it and I can’t help but be desirous of what they have achieved as artists.

That is the beginning of my thoughts. I want to make the first steps to put into action what my mind conceives. But truth be told, they spiral so fast. Envisioning things that might happen causes me to get paralyzed.

That is my weakness. I know that God has entrusted me with special gifts and talents. But for the life of me, I am truly dealing with insecurities day by day. People believe in me more than I believe in myself.

But in my heart, I know that my Lord calls me to come to Him as I am. With all the jealousy. With all the insecurities. With all my sinfulness. And for me to trust His process of pruning me. Till I become content with who I am – accepting my own uniqueness and path. Till I reach the point of no longer comparing myself to others. Till I am at peace with myself and with God.

♥️♥️♥️

“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.”

John 15:2 (NASB)