Reflections on a Rainy Night

​It’s definitely one of those days when you just want to lie down and sleep. It has been raining for days but surprisingly, gloom is not in the realm of emotions I am feeling because of the weather. If you knew me from way back, I’m a pessimist by nature. But slowly, God worked through my heart and I now allow joyful feelings to flow to and from me. 

What am I driving at exactly when I now say these things? Let me give you a picture. Last year, several of my FB friends have been announcing back to back that they are pregnant.Some for the first time. Still some for their nth time. Honestly, those moments were very painful to me. I cannot bring myself to rejoice with them. It hurts. Totally. But I suffered in silence. Perhaps, all the other barren women out there feel the same way I do back then. I ask, why are they blessed with children? Why is the Lord silent on me and my husband? 

I suffered in silence a year ago seeing their posts. I’ve seen all of them giving births and now playing with their babies. Happily making status after status about their growing families. 

Till it hit me. I cannot be bitter and angry at God about this. Their lives are different from mine. The Lord has a plan for me. There must be a reason for all this waiting and longing. There must be a time to accept the will of the Lord and come to terms with being truly happy for other people. 

Joy cannot be forced though. It must come from a deep place of acceptance and contentment. A place wherein there’s full trust that God is in control. A place wherein there’s assurance that God is wise and knows what is best for me and my husband. 

Fast forward today. I’ve still got pregnant friends now. But though there’s still a tinge of pain when I see them, I can honestly say now that I am truly happy for them. It’s like saying, don’t worry about me, “it is well with my soul.” Whether the Lord will grant us a baby or not, my heart will yield to His will. I will hold on to God’s promise that He knows the plans for me and my husband, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future. I declare that God is a sovereign God. May His will be done in our lives! 


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